Scourge Chat Log #3

"He who hears not the music thinks the dancer mad."
-African proverb

"On the other hand, if you actually are crazy, a soundtrack doesn't really help."
-Lews Therin Telamon

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***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Oh shit oh shit oh shit

[theLichKing]: oh shit

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: you called, my liege

[theLichKing]: We're fucked

[Kel’Thuz4d]: what did you want

[theLichKing]: We're fucked. Someone leaked one of our chat logs to the Internet.

[theLichKing]: And it got posted, like, everywhere but marthastewart.com

[theLichKing]: And Blizzard got hold of it

[theLichKing]: And now they want to meet with us to have a "powwow" about "corporate policy"

[theLichKing]: We're hosed

[Kel’Thuz4d]: whos blizzard

[theLichKing]: What?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: is that an ice elemental

[theLichKing]: You've got to be fing kidding me.

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: This had better be more important than the last time you summoned me

[Killzone’jaeden]: From my dark throne in the depths of the seething chaos in the rift between dimensions

[Killzone’jaeden]: To discuss your heating bill

[Kel’Thuz4d]: one of his ice elementals is rebelling

[Kel’Thuz4d]: and it wants to have a discussion

[Killzone’jaeden]: *facestab*

[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait whose face are we stabbing

[Kel’Thuz4d]: this is a question of some importance for me

[theLichKing]: GUYS

[theLichKing]: There's no ice elemental. Our chat log leaked and Blizzard's going to fire us.

***User "Sindragosa1337" has entered the chat.***

[Sindragosa1337]: whats t3h h33zy sh33zy

[Kel’Thuz4d]: a blizzard is on fire and its leaking

[Sindragosa1337]: rid1culous

[Sindragosa1337]: as a fr0st wyrm i can s4y wit some auth0rity that the scenario you describe

[Sindragosa1337]: is pretty much ret4rded

[theLichKing]: Kel'thuzad, shut up. Sindragosa, you know who Blizzard is right?

[Sindragosa1337]: and now we're p3rs0nifying it

[Sindragosa1337]: can i leave?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Based on past experience, I'd say our suffering has only begun.

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: Aaaand I'm right.

[theLichKing]: Anub, you know who Blizzard is, right?

[An00b’arak]: of course

[theLichKing]: Finally. Someone who's not a complete ignoramus.

[An00b’arak]: dq sells them

[An00b’arak]: they are delicious

***User "BlizzardRep" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: OMG ITS THE GIANT FLAMING ICE CREAM ELEMENTAL

[BlizzardRep]: ...

[theLichKing]: What he means to say is

[theLichKing]: "Hi! How are you?"

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *licks the blizzard*

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh gross

[Killzone’jaeden]: You don't know where that's been

[Killzone’jaeden]: Also, since when do you have a tongue

[BlizzardRep]: Everybody be quiet please.

[theLichKing]: Yes sir.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh you call *him* sir.

[theLichKing]: He's from Blizzard. They're the gods of our universe.

[Sindragosa1337]: u mean like c'th0n

[theLichKing]: No! I mean they're the Creators.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: u mean like the titans

[theLichKing]: No! I mean they're behind everything we do.

[An00b’arak]: u mean like that creepy gnome

[BlizzardRep]: Everyone! Please be quiet for a second!

[An00b’arak]: what r titans

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh for Pete's sake

[BlizzardRep]: EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP

[Killzone’jaeden]: ...

[Sindragosa1337]: ...

[theLichKing]: ...

[BlizzardRep]: Now. We have a situation.

[BlizzardRep]: A chat log timestamped March 20, between some of the major Scourge and Burning Legion leaders, has been leaked to the Internet.

[BlizzardRep]: Followed a short time later by another.

[BlizzardRep]: These documents make us look, to put it charitably, ridiculous.

[BlizzardRep]: Lich King.

[theLichKing]: Y-yes...

[BlizzardRep]: You are the face of our expansion. We rely on you to project a good image for our entire brand.

[BlizzardRep]: Tell me. Do you find anything amusing about performing sexual acts...on a potato?

[theLichKing]: No sir. Absolutely not.

[Killzone’jaeden]: *snicker*

[An00b’arak]: amusing, moar like satisfying

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ahem, can u please describe said acts in greater detail

[Sindragosa1337]: XD

[BlizzardRep]: The farmers' groups are already complaining.

[BlizzardRep]: And I'm sorry to say, you fared _best_ out of everyone.

[BlizzardRep]: Kil'jaeden, Kel'thuzad, and Sindragosa.

[BlizzardRep]: Your blatant prejudice is shocking. Our company values diversity above all. I am very disappointed in you.

[Sindragosa1337]: tl;dr

[Killzone’jaeden]: Are you a snow cone or a chatbot? We sort of have a bet going.

[BlizzardRep]: Phylumism, were it an actual thing, would go against everything we stand for as a corporation.

[An00b’arak]: yes thats what ive been saying thank you thank you

[An00b’arak]: >8< >8> <8< <8> >8< spider priiiiiide

[An00b’arak]: free at last

[An00b’arak]: whose awesome

[An00b’arak]: im awesome

[An00b’arak]: whose awesome

[An00b’arak]: im awesome

[BlizzardRep]: Anub'arak.

[An00b’arak]: yessssssssss

[BlizzardRep]: You're an idiot.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Huzzah!

[BlizzardRep]: Azjol-Nerub and Naxxramas have become a laughingstock.

[Sindragosa1337]: is this an 4pril f00ls j0ke

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no bc if it was then kiljaeden be like "Huzzah!"

[Kel’Thuz4d]: and teh chat would be like

[Kel’Thuz4d]: Killzone'jaeden stands up and burps mightily "Huzzah!"

[Kel’Thuz4d]: And does the hokey pokey

[Kel’Thuz4d]: And LARPs

[An00b’arak]: listen

[An00b’arak]: we dont have to take this

[BlizzardRep]: Funny thing, you do, actually.

[BlizzardRep]: Let me introduce you to a little script I call

[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown

[Killzone’jaeden]: OH SHI-

[theLichKing]: aaaaaaahhhhh

[Sindragosa1337]: t3h p41n!1

[An00b’arak]: oh im gonna start twitching i can tell already

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *literalheaddesk*

[An00b’arak]: here it goes, the twitching

[theLichKing]: OMG

[An00b’arak]: dsuihweoiuefhweuihgweowghazdsdddddddddddddddddddddd

[An00b’arak]: sdlksdfjffhfskl;;;sdhfs;;;;;;

[An00b’arak]: sajdldjksjkl

[An00b’arak]: and were done

[BlizzardRep]: It's not you numbskulls I'm worried about though.

[BlizzardRep]: It's this Sargeras character

[BlizzardRep]: Who started

[BlizzardRep]: An effing

[BlizzardRep]: Blog.

[An00b’arak]: hsjjhskjdkjdkdjd

[An00b’arak]: sry aftershock

[BlizzardRep]: Where the hell is Sargeras anyway?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok about that. I guarantee he did not start a blog

[theLichKing]: Yeah I can back him up on this actually. Sargeras is not what you would call...creative.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...literate.

[Killzone’jaeden]: ...sentient.

[BlizzardRep]: I'm not wrong about this.

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Oh no not this again

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: What are you talking about, Arthas? I'm just responding to the Blizzard summons as ordered.

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: I respect the wishes of our programmers.

[theLichKing]: Well I don't. Screw you Blizzard!

[theLichKing]: No it's her! She's saying that!

[theLichKing]: No, it was me. I have schizophrenia.

[theLichKing]: It's the whole two-souls-in-one-body thing.

[theLichKing]: I do NOT have schizophrenia!

[theLichKing]: Right, I'm just arguing with myself

[theLichKing]: Nothing schizo about that

[theLichKing]: It's Sylvanas! She's betraying me!

[theLichKing]: "Sylvanas" is what I call my other personality.

[theLichKing]: OMG

[theLichKing]: Make her stop

[theLichKing]: Isn't it interesting that my other personality is a woman?

[theLichKing]: *makes out with self*

[theLichKing]: Ew! Gross!

[theLichKing]: Oh right I forgot I only do it with vegetables

[Killzone’jaeden]: I could listen to this for hours.

[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown

[Killzone’jaeden]: OW STOP OKAY

[An00b’arak]: wehgpwhghgrpihwgpghwpwghiugnibgnwiug4nuigrnibniehnrgphngrpiwhaoigwhgoihrg94984hgriruwh

[An00b’arak]: dont mind me

[An00b’arak]: the twitching is oddly enjoyable

[BlizzardRep]: Where is Sargeras?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *shrug*

[Killzone’jaeden]: I'll go get him

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *sings* so ready now for ullll-du-ar

[theLichKing]: Aw man don't get that stuck in my head again

[theLichKing]: Now I'll be singing it for hours

[Kel’Thuz4d]: nah it's easy to get rid of it, just insert something else even catchier

[theLichKing]: NO DON'T

[Kel’Thuz4d]: this was a triumph... im making a note here, huge success

[theLichKing]: It's hard to ohhhhh-verstate my saaaaaaa-tisfaction... AAAARRRGGGGHH

[theLichKing]: *WRATH*

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras isn't available at the moment.

[BlizzardRep]: Isn't. Available.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Um, it's a little thing called

[Killzone’jaeden]: "The Burning Crusade"

[BlizzardRep]: What.

[Killzone’jaeden]: http://www.wowwiki.com/Burning_Crusade

[BlizzardRep]: I KNOW WHAT IT IS

[Killzone’jaeden]: Well you're pretty knowledgeable for a snowcone aintcha?

[BlizzardRep]: ...seriously?

[BlizzardRep]: Does *nobody* here know who I am? What Blizzard is?

[BlizzardRep]: Does nobody get what this is about?

[BlizzardRep]: Does anyone even care about the customers?

[theLichKing]: I do!

[BlizzardRep]: The vote of Mr. Potato Head...does not count.

[BlizzardRep]: Anyone else?

[An00b’arak]: still twitching...

[An00b’arak]: ...

[An00b’arak]: ...

[An00b’arak]: ...

[An00b’arak]: ...done.

[BlizzardRep]: Ok fine. Listen, I'm going to explain it.

[BlizzardRep]: In the beginning there was Warcraft, and it was good.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *gets popcorn*

[BlizzardRep]: Then came Warcraft II and Warcraft III. But the people wanted more. And lo, Blizzard looked upon Evercrack, and saw that its power could be turned to its own purposes.

[BlizzardRep]: And Blizzard did smile down from upon its high throne, and release World of Warcraft unto the masses.

[BlizzardRep]: And WoW begat BC, which begat WotLK.

[BlizzardRep]: NOW do you get it?

[Sindragosa1337]: omg tfl;dr

***User "Sindragosa1337" has left the chat.***

[BlizzardRep]: *sigh*

[Kel’Thuz4d]: so wait

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who created the titans

[BlizzardRep]: Yes!

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who bestows patches

[BlizzardRep]: Yes...

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ur the one who controls the pixels

[BlizzardRep]: Yes.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: then y are u working for dairy queen

[BlizzardRep]: F A C E

[BlizzardRep]: P A L M

***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: I AM TEH DARK TITAN!!!11

[SARGERAS]: I will... destroy.. the worlds...

[SARGERAS]: *sigh* My heart's just not in it today, guys.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: awww

[Killzone’jaeden]: It's okay, Master. It happens to the best of us.

[Killzone’jaeden]: I myself once went three whole weeks without ripping apart anyone's soul.

[SARGERAS]: Really?

[Killzone’jaeden]: ...no.

[SARGERAS]: I've just felt so...down, lately.

[SARGERAS]: I keep getting all these "Cease And Desist" letters

[SARGERAS]: When all I want to do is write on my blog

[SARGERAS]: And blow up planets

[SARGERAS]: And sell T-shirts at a ridiculously inflated profit margin

[BlizzardRep]: Yeah ABOUT THAT

[BlizzardRep]: Do you have any idea how many copyright laws you've violated in the past month?

[BlizzardRep]: You can't misuse our copyrighted works!

[SARGERAS]: I *am* your copyrighted works

[BlizzardRep]: Aha! So you admit it!

[BlizzardRep]: This is an outrage!

[BlizzardRep]: You will stop what you're doing at once!

[BlizzardRep]: Blah blah blah I'm boring blah blah copyright!! >:O

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: OH NO SHE DIDUNT

[BlizzardRep]: Oh you want a piece of me?

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: bring it lactose boy

[BlizzardRep]: It's on like Donkey Kong

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lets do this thing

[BlizzardRep]: *prepares /GMbeatdown*

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: *assumes dramatic stance*

[theLichKing]: *puts on Angry Eyes*

[Killzone’jaeden]: *chargin his laser*

[An00b’arak]: *wets self quietly*

[Kel’Thuz4d]: STOP!!!

[Kel’Thuz4d]: have we lost our way? turning on one another like enemies? arent we all in this together, really?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: dont we all want EA to fail?

[Killzone’jaeden]: He's right.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: Really?

[Killzone’jaeden]: NO! What are you, dense? We've the villains

[Killzone’jaeden]: GET HIM

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: chaaaaaarge

[SARGERAS]: RAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Killzone’jaeden]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: ...

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok so, this is a chat, we cant actually fight

[theLichKing]: Right.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Right you are then

[SARGERAS]: Glad that's settled.

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***

[BlizzardRep]: /beatdown

[Killzone’jaeden]: AAGGGH SERIOUSLY

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Listen I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the whole chat log thing

[BlizzardRep]: Just make sure it doesn't happen again.

[theLichKing]: Of course. Certainly not. No more chat logs posted again, ever!

[theLichKing]: And if your programmers just have a second sometime to adjust the heat settings in my throne room...

[BlizzardRep]: Get out of my presence!

[theLichKing]: *shiver*

***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: That went well.

[BlizzardRep]: OUT!!

***User "SARGERAS" has left the chat.***

[BlizzardRep]: *sigh* Shigeru Miyamoto doesn't have to put up with this shit.

***User "BlizzardRep" has left the chat.***

[An00b’arak]: <.<

[An00b’arak]: >.>

[An00b’arak]: /beatdown

[An00b’arak]: wehwoihweoweihfweihwefoiuhnkjewhiuh3oih3io34iuf3bniouff4iu84h7hwaeiufhiowwf

[An00b’arak]: oweihjfewphwiwehawfpoi3983

[An00b’arak]: owahifewpwhfepwfhewf

[An00b’arak]: weoihf

[An00b’arak]: ...

[An00b’arak]: ^_^

***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***

---

Hope you enjoyed it. Oh, and thanks to commenter "Alkaliho" for the Lich King schizophrenia idea!

Scourge Chat Log #2

Here's another one I scrounged up. A bit shorter than the first one but it still "brings the lulz" as you kids say these days.



[Killzone’jaeden]: ...and that's how I spent three weeks selling fire extinguishers in Gnomeregan.

[theLichKing]: Hahaha! Oh man, in context it makes perfect sense.

[Killzone’jaeden]: So on a completely unrelated note

[Killzone’jaeden]: When are you planning to get off your ass and help us out with some Burning Crusade action

[theLichKing]: Man, I already told you

[theLichKing]: I don't do that shit anymore

[theLichKing]: I'm all about the freezing. It's, like, the _opposite_ of burning.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Please

[theLichKing]: No

[Killzone’jaeden]: Please

[theLichKing]: NO! Dude if you can't let this go, I'm logging off right now.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Man what is your deal...I don't see why you can't crusade just a little

[Killzone’jaeden]: Start the occasional bonfire

[Killzone’jaeden]: Light a scented candle once in a while...every tiny bit helps

[Killzone’jaeden]: Why won't you serve me?

[theLichKing]: You mean aside from the hideous, horrific torture?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah besides that

[theLichKing]: Ok look. The whole Burning Crusade is stupid.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Why?

[theLichKing]: You have no endgame.

[Killzone’jaeden]: *cough*DestroyEveryLivingThingInTheUniverse*cough*

[theLichKing]: Ok, then what?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Then I dance on Aegwynn's corpse.

[theLichKing]: Um...ok. Then what?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Well, I'm going to be doing that for a pretty long time.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Like, three years.

[Killzone’jaeden]: I plan to really make the most of my corpse-dancing potential. I have sort of a gift, you know?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Plus Aegwynn is *such* a bitch

[theLichKing]: THEN WHAT

[Killzone’jaeden]: Dude, I dunno

[Killzone’jaeden]: Cross-stitch?

***User "Sindragosa1337" has entered the chat.***

[Sindragosa1337]: wh4t 1s up p33ps

[Sindragosa1337]: i h4ve a ?

[Sindragosa1337]: lets say hyp0theticaly, youd slaught3r3d somewhere in the neighborh00d of... lets say... 1,200 dwarves

[Killzone’jaeden]: Been there.

[Sindragosa1337]: and it was m3ssy

[theLichKing]: Done that.

[Sindragosa1337]: and now j00 cannot get t3h blood off ur talons

[Sindragosa1337]: r3commend a cleaning pr0duct for this hypothetical situation pl0x

[Killzone’jaeden]: Dwarf blood is notoriously difficult to remove. I recommend soaking in vinegar.

[Sindragosa1337]: o rly?

[Killzone’jaeden]: NOPE!

[Killzone’jaeden]: I WAS LYING! Vinegar will have NO EFFECT

[Killzone’jaeden]: See I DECEIVED YOU

[Killzone’jaeden]: Cuz I'm THE DECEIVER

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Killzone’jaeden]: *sigh* I have never known true intimacy.

[Sindragosa1337]: hey are j00 still cross-dress1ng these days?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh you know it.

[Sindragosa1337]: w4nt to borrow my l1pst1ck?

[Sindragosa1337]: i dont n33d it anym0re due to a lack of l1ps

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hells to the yes please.

[theLichKing]: WTF is wrong with you

[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm not actually going to wear the lipstick. I just say things like that because it's liberating.

[Sindragosa1337]: hes r1ght

[Sindragosa1337]: break1ng d0wn stere0types

[Killzone’jaeden]: "I loved Sex and the City."

[Sindragosa1337]: "i urin4t3 standing up"

[Killzone’jaeden]: Try it

[theLichKing]: NO

[Killzone’jaeden]: "I call up my friends just to talk."

[Sindragosa1337]: "i h4v3 a genuine interest in the 0utcome of footb4ll games"

[Killzone’jaeden]: "I honestly believe that lavender and mauve are different things."

[Sindragosa1337]: "burp1ng is rel3vant to my 1nterests"

[theLichKing]: I'm not pretending I'm a woman.

[Killzone’jaeden]: So just say something random then. It'll make you feel better.

[theLichKing]: Ugh... like what?

[Killzone’jaeden]: I don't know.

[Killzone’jaeden]: How about...

[Killzone’jaeden]: "At night, I look upon potatoes with lust in my eyes."

[Sindragosa1337]: rofl

[theLichKing]: What does that even mean? That doesn't mean anything.

[theLichKing]: I'm not saying that.

[Killzone’jaeden]: You don't have to say it...just type it

[Sindragosa1337]: wh4ts teh harm

[Killzone’jaeden]: It's just us.

[Sindragosa1337]: th3r3 is n0thing to ph33r

[Killzone’jaeden]: Do it

[Sindragosa1337]: do it

[Killzone’jaeden]: Do it

[Sindragosa1337]: do it

[Sindragosa1337]: d0 33t

[Killzone’jaeden]: You don't even have to type it. Just copy and paste. "At night, I look upon potatoes with lust in my eyes."

[Killzone’jaeden]: You *know* you want to.

[theLichKing]: FINE. Just to make you guys stfu.

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: At night, I look upon potatoes with lust in my eyes.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: TMIgeddon

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***

[theLichKing]: OMG

[Killzone’jaeden]: OMFG

[Sindragosa1337]: z0mg

[Sindragosa1337]: 3pic

[Sindragosa1337]: 3p1c

[theLichKing]: *WRATH*

[Sindragosa1337]: Th1s 1s a gr34t day 1n h15t0ry

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hey you should probably get that fixed by the way

[Sindragosa1337]: wh4t?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Whatever it is about your keyboard that's making you sound like a fucktard

[Killzone’jaeden]: By confusing Arabic numerals with the effing Roman alphabet.

[Sindragosa1337]: its called 1337

[Killzone’jaeden]: What a coincidence

[Killzone’jaeden]: One thousand, three hundred thirty-seven is the exact number of dumbass script kiddies I crushed into oblivion yesterday.

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *eyes LK uncertainly*

[theLichKing]: *eyes Kelthuzad uncertainly*

[Kel’Thuz4d]: We will never speak of it again.

[Sindragosa1337]: hey k3lly i have a ?

[theLichKing]: *sigh* To remove dwarf blood, soak in hydrogen peroxide then sacrifice a goat to Aule.

[Sindragosa1337]: 0h tnx

[Sindragosa1337]: but th4t wasnt my ? this tim3

[Sindragosa1337]: im just cur10us wh4t its lik3 to b3 a fightable b0ss

[Sindragosa1337]: im kind4 nerv0us

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok remember when you died

[Sindragosa1337]: um yah

[Kel’Thuz4d]: imagine that, eighty times a day

[Sindragosa1337]: 0uch

[Kel’Thuz4d]: actually its not so bad

[Kel’Thuz4d]: its fun when raids wipe

[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah and you can always tell which guilds are going to suck

[Killzone’jaeden]: Rule of Guild Names: The more awesome the guild name tries to sound, the more the guild sucks.

[Killzone’jaeden]: If I see, like, "Lords Of Chaos And Darkness"... done

[Killzone’jaeden]: "The Right Hand Of God"... they don't even make it through the instance

[Killzone’jaeden]: But if I ever see, like, "Ain't Misbehavin"

[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm like SHIT

[Sindragosa1337]: XD

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey sindragosa have you seen anub'arak

[Sindragosa1337]: n0pe

[Sindragosa1337]: i think he h4s a l1vej0urnal though

[Sindragosa1337]: try se4rching the web

[Sindragosa1337]: haha get it "web"

[Kel’Thuz4d]: you cant be making fun of him just bc hes a spider

[Sindragosa1337]: y n0t?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: weve been over this...remember ur sensitivity training

[Sindragosa1337]: oh i am s3nsitive...dr4gons are a pr0ud peopl3 with a rich cultur4l heritage

[Sindragosa1337]: r4cism is a srs issue

[Sindragosa1337]: phylumism is just hil4rious

[Sindragosa1337]: "hey look at me im all cool, >8< spider pride"

[Sindragosa1337]: "oh no something larger than a golf ball"

[Sindragosa1337]: "eeek ~8~ spider squish"

[Kel’Thuz4d]: :-O

[theLichKing]: Hey show a little respect for diversity

[Sindragosa1337]: "hmmm a complex problem, let me solve it"

[Sindragosa1337]: "oh wait i dont have a prefrontal cortex"

[Sindragosa1337]: "guess ill just twitch like usual"

[Killzone’jaeden]: OMG

[Sindragosa1337]: wyrms before worms amirite

[theLichKing]: Not appropriate at all

[Kel’Thuz4d]: like seriously

[Killzone’jaeden]: We were just joking before.

[theLichKing]: The Scourge does not condone this sort of thing.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Or the Legion.

[theLichKing]: At all.

[Killzone’jaeden]: At all.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: dont hate

[theLichKing]: I'm out of here.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah me too.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: 4 reals

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***

***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[Sindragosa1337]: *looks around*

[Sindragosa1337]: Whose woods these are I think I know

[Sindragosa1337]: His house is

[Sindragosa1337]: Fuck it.

***User "Sindragosa1337" has left the chat.***

Scourge Chat Log #1

***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Hey

[theLichKing]: Anyone there?

[theLichKing]: *drums fingers*

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Hey man.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: my liege

[theLichKing]: Listen, there's this thing I need you to do for me

[Kel’Thuz4d]: anything my liege

[Kel’Thuz4d]: what army must i lay to waste

[Kel’Thuz4d]: whose lands shall i decimate for ur glory

[theLichKing]: Um, yeah, I'm good on decimation for today. We're going to hold off on the decimation for, like, a week or so.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok?

[theLichKing]: I was thinking. How much trouble do you think it would be to have a thermostat installed in the Throne Room?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...

[Kel’Thuz4d]: y?

[theLichKing]: It's really really cold in here.

[theLichKing]: I'm Lord of the Scourge. I think I should get a thermostat.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no its a frozen throne

[theLichKing]: Right

[theLichKing]: See that's exactly what I'm talking about. The throne is frozen. The chair that I sit on all day? Literally a block of ice.

[theLichKing]: It is so very, very cold.

[theLichKing]: I actually cannot over-emphasize how cold I am on a daily basis.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: but its supposed to be frozen

[Kel’Thuz4d]: its the source of ur power

[theLichKing]: About that. Can I get my power transferred to some other source?

[theLichKing]: Something that isn't made out of ice that I then have to literally sit on?

[theLichKing]: Someone dropped the ball there.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok so like what should it be then

[Kel’Thuz4d]: like a ring?

[theLichKing]: A ring?

[theLichKing]: Seriously, a ring.

[theLichKing]: Do you _read_ history?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: so what then

[theLichKing]: I don't know. I'll think about it. Maybe an armoire.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: armor?

[theLichKing]: No, not armor. An armoire. The furniture.

[theLichKing]: Oh but speaking of armor

[theLichKing]: I have skulls on my kneecaps.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok?

[theLichKing]: No, it is _not_ okay.

[theLichKing]: I have skulls.

[theLichKing]: On my _kneecaps_.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: well for the thermostat i think u need approval from a supervisor

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ill just get kiljaeden in here and well sort it out

[theLichKing]: No!

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no its cool

[theLichKing]: No, don't...

[theLichKing]: Ugh, my old boss. I hate this guy.

[theLichKing]: Ok I'll just...I'll act casual. Like old times.

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: This had better be important.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah lich king here just wants a warmer throne room is all

[Killzone’jaeden]: Warmer?

[theLichKing]: No it's really not necessary sir

[Killzone’jaeden]: You want a warmer throne room?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah

[theLichKing]: No

[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah he does

[theLichKing]: I really don't.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok sure let me just get right on that

[Killzone’jaeden]: I actually know these guys, they're really great, literally made out of fire

[Killzone’jaeden]: They could heat your room right up for you

[Killzone’jaeden]: They're called the Burning Legion...why don't I just invite them to Azeroth so they can come and

[Killzone’jaeden]: OH WAIT

[Killzone’jaeden]: Someone's too busy being Chatty Cathy to PREPARE HIS WORLD FOR AN APOCALYPSE

[theLichKing]: So sorry sir

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey cmon though its not like weve just been sitting around

[Kel’Thuz4d]: were spreading plague and stuff

[Kel’Thuz4d]: we totally spread a lot of plague

[Kel’Thuz4d]: and dont forget the spider war

[theLichKing]: Actually I wouldn't mention that...

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh yes. The "Spider War."

[Killzone’jaeden]: The "war" where you spent ten years getting rid

[Killzone’jaeden]: OF SPIDERS

[Killzone’jaeden]: Check it out, I had a Mosquito War last night. Mosquito lands on me, I squish it. Done. Two seconds.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Didn't take me ten years

[Killzone’jaeden]: BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT

[theLichKing]: Yes sir

[theLichKing]: Very sorry sir.

[theLichKing]: I'm on it.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Y'know what, you know who else might want to hear about this

[Killzone’jaeden]: Maybe I shold get Sargeras in here

[Kel’Thuz4d]: sure

[theLichKing]: NO! That's not necessary

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hold on I'll go get him.

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[theLichKing]: ARE YOU CRAZY

[theLichKing]: "Sure"? Do you know who Sargeras actually is??

[Kel’Thuz4d]: i think so hes alliance right

[theLichKing]: ...

[Kel’Thuz4d]: horde?

[theLichKing]: *headdesk*

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[An00b’arak]: hay guise whats goin on in dis chat

[Kel’Thuz4d]: sup

[An00b’arak]: sup

[Kel’Thuz4d]: sup

[An00b’arak]: sup

[Kel’Thuz4d]: whaaaazzzzaaaaaap

[An00b’arak]: what are yoooooou doing

[theLichKing]: GUYS

[theLichKing]: SERIOUSLY

[An00b’arak]: whats his problem

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hes cold

[An00b’arak]: well yeah he sits on a frozen throne inside of icecrown glacier with a sword named frostmorn

[An00b’arak]: the name icecrown glacier can only imply that among glaciers, which are themselves made of ice, this one is especially icy

[An00b’arak]: its possible there is some coldness involved

[theLichKing]: _Thank_ you!

[theLichKing]: Ok, so install me a thermostat pl0x.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: uh boss ixnay on asking him to install stuff

[An00b’arak]: what is that supposed to mean??

[Kel’Thuz4d]: uh

[An00b’arak]: oh i get it

[An00b’arak]: bc im an arachnid?????

[An00b’arak]: and how could i possibly install a thermostat without thumbs

[An00b’arak]: racist

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no no no

[Kel’Thuz4d]: well ok yeah how would that actually work

[An00b’arak]: im sure i dont know...im just an arachnid

[An00b’arak]: guess what im not ashamed of what i am

[An00b’arak]: >8< spider pride

***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: thank god

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: oh god

[An00b’arak]: im lodging a formal protest

[An00b’arak]: i am going to let every1 know the scourge is not an equal opportunity employer

[An00b’arak]: and i am being discriminated against due to race

[An00b’arak]: and species

[An00b’arak]: and phylum

[theLichKing]: Ok, look, there's no need to get upset

[An00b’arak]: omg

[An00b’arak]: dont apologize for him arthas

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras is logging on now.

[theLichKing]: Aw hell.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Precisely.

[theLichKing]: Listen, I wasn't complaining earlier, the temperature is fine...

[An00b’arak]: kiljaeden??

[Killzone’jaeden]: Excuse me, who is this? I'm *Lord* Jaeden to anybody that's not a Dreadlord.

[An00b’arak]: listen killy there is some phylumism going down in this piece

[Killzone’jaeden]: Killy? Oh you do want to die don't you.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Also does nobody capitalize anymore?!

[Killzone’jaeden]: I didn't spend seven aeons feasting on the souls of the righteous just so I could play typing games with the functionally illiterate.

[An00b’arak]: no im serious this is a real issue

[Killzone’jaeden]: *What* is a real issue?

[An00b’arak]: phylum

[An00b’arak]: ism

[Killzone’jaeden]: You best start talking some English

[Killzone’jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras?

[theLichKing]: Precisely.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Don't get cute.

[An00b’arak]: i am being discriminated against on the basis of my spinal condition

[Killzone’jaeden]: What is your spinal condition?

[An00b’arak]: i dont have 1

[Killzone’jaeden]: What?

[An00b’arak]: im an arachnid

[An00b’arak]: >8< spider power

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hey LK I thought you squished all of them already. You spent ten years on these morons and you didn't even finish the job?

[An00b’arak]: what

[theLichKing]: Yeah I reanimated him. I'm the Lich King, it's sort of what I do.

[Killzone’jaeden]: So you smashed a bunch of bugs

[Killzone’jaeden]: And then you were like,

[Killzone’jaeden]: "Huh! I sure would like to have those bugs back again!"

[Killzone’jaeden]: Is your brain frozen or what?

[theLichKing]: Ok that's kind of what I was getting at before.

[Killzone’jaeden]: That you're an idiot?

[An00b’arak]: ur horrible

[An00b’arak]: ur a phylumist

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh no, I'm horrible. Why don't you go and tell all my demon friends how horrible I am. They will be shocked.

[An00b’arak]: phylumist phylumist phulymst phylimist

[An00b’arak]: that gets hard to type after a while though

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: thank god

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: oh god

[Kel’Thuz4d]: go back to your hole

[theLichKing]: Yeah get out of here

[Killzone’jaeden]: Go back to your hole, spider

[An00b’arak]: p

[An00b’arak]: h

[An00b’arak]: y

[Kel’Thuz4d]: lolwut

[An00b’arak]: l

[An00b’arak]: u

[Killzone’jaeden]: Shut. Up.

[An00b’arak]: m

[Killzone’jaeden]: Dude get rid of this guy.

[An00b’arak]: i

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[An00b’arak]: sts

***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: Finally

[Killzone’jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras

[theLichKing]: It's really not necessary, I withdraw my request completely.

[Kel’Thuz4d]: no he wants armor

[theLichKing]: An *armoire.*

[theLichKing]: Of power.

[Killzone’jaeden]: I cannot express how much I hate both of you.

[Killzone’jaeden]: And this is coming from someone whose lungs are made out of solidified hate.

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: hey everyone ^_^

[theLichKing]: How did you get in here?!

[theLichKing]: This is a private chat!

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lol :)

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: i hacked admin :)

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "~*`Sylvanas'*~" from the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: lol lol lol

[Killzone’jaeden]: TIE fighters

[theLichKing]: What?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Nothing. Can't you kick her out?

[theLichKing]: I just tried

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: admin guys lol

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: :) ^___^

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: oh plus i can chat under ur names check this out

[theLichKing]: im a little girl and i like ponies lol

[theLichKing]: What! I hate ponies!

[Killzone’jaeden]: ROFLMAO

[Kel’Thuz4d]: she hax0red you dude

[theLichKing]: This isn't funny!

[theLichKing]: i play with dolls

[theLichKing]: and bake cookies with my mommy

[theLichKing]: Untrue! I deny everything

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahaha

[theLichKing]: Ok guys this is lame let's just go to a different chat room

[Killzone’jaeden]: NO!

[Killzone’jaeden]: We're waiting for Sargeras!

[Killzone’jaeden]: It's next to impossible to get him into these things anyway

[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm not going to confuse him

[theLichKing]: im a little teapot short and stout

[Killzone’jaeden]: Besides this is hilarious

[Killzone’jaeden]: Sargeras is going to get here and you'll be singing about teapots...you'll get pwned

[Killzone’jaeden]: Maybe he'll buy you a "pwny"

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahaha see what I did there

[Kel’Thuz4d]: i dont get it

[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait ok but thats dumb

[Killzone’jaeden]: Wordplay. Look it up.

[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to dress up like a girl

[Killzone’jaeden]: Oh now she's doing it to me too

[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to put on women's clothes

[Killzone’jaeden]: and pretend im a woman

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***

[Killzone’jaeden]: and look at myself in the mirror all pretty

[Killzone’jaeden]: and call myself the prettiest prettiest princess

[theLichKing]: Umm she's not here anymore

[theLichKing]: Are you just typing that stuff yourself?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ...

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: WHERE THE HELL IS SARGERAS

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: heeeeeee~

[Kel’Thuz4d]: omg wtf this sux

[Kel’Thuz4d]: i have a dungeon to run

[Kel’Thuz4d]: pcs are going to be like raiding me and shiz

[theLichKing]: Oh please. The expansion is called "Wrath of the Lich King." It's got my _name_ in it. You don't think a few guilds are going to be farming me as soon as I'm a fightable boss?

[theLichKing]: probably not because i suck so much

[theLichKing]: DAMMIT SYLVANAS

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok and now my cat is 8fwhwe8ufhffweeexvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

[Kel’Thuz4d]: walking on my keyboard

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hold on afk

[theLichKing]: You have a cat?

[theLichKing]: Seriously?

[theLichKing]: You're a freaking skeleton lord. Why do you have a cat?

[Killzone’jaeden]: Yeah why *do* you have a cat?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: back, had to put the cat out

[Kel’Thuz4d]: and ok

[Kel’Thuz4d]: two things

[Kel’Thuz4d]: first, cats are awesome

[Kel’Thuz4d]: second, RACISM??

[Kel’Thuz4d]: "freaking skeleton lord"

[Killzone’jaeden]: WTF is wrong with you people?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hey! what do you mean..."you people"

[Killzone’jaeden]: What do YOU mean, "you people"?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: hahahaha

[Killzone’jaeden]: Hahahaha...Tropic Thunder, great movie.

[Killzone’jaeden]: i like to poop

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok that one I actually did not say, that was Sylvanas that time

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone’jaeden]: No seriously this time it was her

[Kel’Thuz4d]: "this time"?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: wait so u really do like to wear womens clothes

[theLichKing]: You are, in fact, the prettiest prettiest princess?

[Killzone’jaeden]: No, of course not

[Kel’Thuz4d]: do u have a panty drawer

[Killzone’jaeden]: No! I wear boxers. With thorns on them.

[Killzone’jaeden]: And skulls.

[theLichKing]: Ok were the skulls on the kneecaps YOUR idea then??

[Killzone’jaeden]: Wait what?

[Kel’Thuz4d]: yeah dont change the subject

***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUME ALL HTE WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[SARGERAS]: I AM INVINICBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I AM HTE DARK TITAN!!!111111!1!

[Killzone’jaeden]: oh god

[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUM ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!1!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: You actually said that already

[Killzone’jaeden]: He spelled it different though.

[Killzone’jaeden]: Dark Lord, there is an issue we need you to resolve

[SARGERAS]: NOTHING CAN DEFET ME BECUASE I AM DEFEAT EVERONE!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I AM SARGERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: TEH DARK TIT AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Killzone’jaeden]: Right

[Killzone’jaeden]: But what we're going for is

[theLichKing]: Yeah I'm confident he'll be able to resolve this

[Killzone’jaeden]: The Lich King has this complaint...

[SARGERAS]: I AM DESTORYING ALL WORLDS RIGT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: i wear little pink girly panties

[Kel’Thuz4d]: omg

[SARGERAS]: WHATTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: hahahahaha

[Kel’Thuz4d]: pwned

[SARGERAS]: I DID NTO SAY THAT!11111111111111111111

[Kel’Thuz4d]: i dunno about you guys but im kinda turned on right now

[theLichKing]: Rule 34

[SARGERAS]: yeah, you like that, there's more where that came from

[SARGERAS]: *twirls hair seductively*

[SARGERAS]: I DID NOT SYA THAT EITHERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I WILL DESTROY ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: !

[Kel’Thuz4d]: *dies laughing*

[Killzone’jaeden]: Ok I'm done

[Killzone’jaeden]: F this

[Killzone’jaeden]: I'm outta here

[Killzone’jaeden]: I hate Azeroth

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: aw dont go :)

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas’*~]: byeee~

[SARGERAS]: I USE SUPER ULTIMATE ATTACK FOR EIGHT MILLION POINS!!!!11

[theLichKing]: Hey I think he spelled all the words right in that one

[Kel’Thuz4d]: missed a t

[theLichKing]: Aw, yeah

[theLichKing]: So close

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ok im out too

[theLichKing]: Ugh fine

[theLichKing]: TTYL

[Kel’Thuz4d]: ttyl

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: GAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: This is the worst chat ever.

[theLichKing]: The worst.

[theLichKing]: The worst.

[theLichKing]: Whatevs, titan dude. I'm done.

[theLichKing]: Still freezing my ass off though.

[theLichKing]: *wrath*

***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: *looks around*

[SARGERAS]: Chat empty?

[SARGERAS]: ...

[SARGERAS]: I have eaten

[SARGERAS]: the plums

[SARGERAS]: that were in

[SARGERAS]: the icebox

[SARGERAS]: and which

[SARGERAS]: you were probably

[SARGERAS]: saving

[SARGERAS]: for breakfast

[SARGERAS]: Forgive me

[SARGERAS]: they were delicious

[SARGERAS]: so sweet

[SARGERAS]: and so cold

[SARGERAS]: ;-)

***User "SARGERAS" has left the chat.***